Fact: I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes

I am worn out.

But this isn't another post like yesterday's. I got home from work a little after 11 p.m. tonight feeling pretty good. But then I sat down to watch the last 9 minutes of Game 5 of the Mavericks/Warriors series. But I wasn't sitting down for long. For about the last 20 minutes minutes of the game, I'm standing in the middle of of my living room. Now, I don't yell often -- about anything. But standing there in front of my television, I'm yelling at the screen, fist pumping along with the players and appealing to the referees. For the final 2 minutes of the game, my fingers are clasped across my scalp and I'm pacing around the coffee table. And by the end (which ended in a Maverick victory, or else I would be writing a much different blog), I'm totally worn out.

Now I realize that much of my readership probably doesn't think it can relate to this, but don't laugh. You do it, too. Whether it's standing in front of your TV watching 24, or Lost, or Alias, or The West Wing or a Liverpool soccer match or The Bachelor, there's something that makes you scream at the TV or gets you worked up over fictional characters.

Now, with all this Mavericks talk, I now come to the question you're all wondering about: What would Jonathan's facial hair look like if he tried to grow a full beard? You have to look no further than the NBA's MVP-to-be (translation: Dirk Nowitzki (pronounced Noh-vit-ski))

Sadly, I have yet to find a quality image that captures this scruff in all its patchiness, but these will give you just a taste of what Dirk Nowitzki has going on. Seeing it live on TV takes it to a whole new level. But rest assured, give me a solid 18 months to not a let a razor touch my face, and I might achieve something close to this.